1
00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:05,000


2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,840


3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,520

with my head in a spin

4
00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:12,280

to scream and shout

5
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:15,560


6
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:18,600


7
00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:31,440
You're not impressed
with my craft work, are you?

8
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:35,760
Of course I am.
They're really...unique.

9
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,240
So why are you holding it
like a bunch of pubic hair

10
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,080
you've just unclogged
from the shower?

11
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,680
I think you might need to start
trimming more regularly.

12
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,920
Seriously, they're...
They're really...great.

13
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:48,960
You've taken a small hobby

14
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,440
and turned it into a potential
gold mine.

15
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,600
And you've managed to reduce
the feral pigeon population.

16
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,800
You've killed two birds
with one stone

17
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,320
and then used the feathers.

18
00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:04,520
So are all the stalls
at this craft market tomorrow

19
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:07,560
going to be this sort of
witchy-woo-woo stuff?

20
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,360
I think the phrase is
"alternative remedies".

21
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,760
Alternatives to what?
Stuff that works?

22
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:17,520
You might not believe in this sort
of thing, but other people do.

23
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,880
Do you?

24
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,040
A bit.

25
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:25,600
So, come on, then, how do
these dreamcatchers actually work?

26
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,880
Well, if you must know,
the net catches the bad dreams,

27
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:32,040
and the good dreams filter through
the feathers onto the sleeper

28
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,200
to bring peace and tranquillity.

29
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,280
Unless you're the pigeon.

30
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,680
Bet his mum's having nightmares.

31
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:39,720
Proo!

32
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,240
Do you really think they're OK?

33
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:47,520
I'd rather hear it from you
than at the market tomorrow.

34
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:51,000
They're excellent.
Made by a master craftsman.

35
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,360
I'm a woman.

36
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:56,760
All right, made by
a woman craftsman.

37
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,160
It will fly off the shelves.

38
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,560
Literally.

39
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,200
SHE SIGHS

40
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,880
Three hours, not one sale.

41
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,400
Well, I think they're great.

42
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,240
In fact, I'm going to buy one
for Auntie Jean's birthday.

43
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,360
Don't you dare! What?

44
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,080
Patronise me like that.

45
00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,200
OK, how would you like me
to patronise you?

46
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,920
It's like sending a load of
Valentine's cards to someone

47
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:47,000
because you know no-one
could ever fancy them.

48
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,960
Oh, they were from you, were they?

49
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:53,800
Just admit it, you think
my dreamcatchers are rubbish.

50
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,600
Stop saying that, I don't!

51
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,760
So why do you look so embarrassed
to be here?

52
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,080
Oh, it's not you,
it's this whole place.

53
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,680
When I think of markets,
it's six lighters for �1

54
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,000
or fake Gucci handbags for a tenner.

55
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,880
I know. I'm the one opening them
on Christmas morning.

56
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,760
Look at these people.

57
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:16,760
I bet their kids have all got weird
names like Rainbow and Opal Fruit.

58
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,240
My name's actually Moondust.

59
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,680
Of course it is.

60
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,200
I bet they all believe in crystals
and bloody horoscopes.

61
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,640
And what's wrong with horoscopes?

62
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,120
Cos it's nonsense.

63
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,680
The fact that you're a Pisces
only tells us one thing about you,

64
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:33,000
that your mum and dad had it off
roughly in May.

65
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:36,880
Sorry, when I say "roughly"...

66
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,800
Look, as far as I'm concerned,

67
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,880
this place is full of
gullible idiots.

68
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,520
So if they don't like
your dreamcatchers,

69
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,000
who cares what they think?

70
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,800
Aw, thanks, Lee.

71
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,920
You always find the right thing
to say to make me feel better.

72
00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,280
That's nice.

73
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,000
Now who's the gullible idiot?

74
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,040
Oh, here we go. Customer.

75
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,760
I wanted something
for my girlfriend.

76
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,720
Well, you've come to
the right place.

77
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:10,800
Catch a dream, catch a bargain.

78
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:13,560
Really?

79
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,880
No, I mean, I was walking past here
a few minutes ago

80
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,880
and I... I wanted something.

81
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,280
Right?
And I robbed this off your store.

82
00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:23,480
Oh, I see.

83
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,560
I want to give it back.

84
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,760
Well...thank you.

85
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,600
It's...wrong to steal,
but you obviously realise that

86
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,320
and you've done the right thing.

87
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:34,840
No, it's not that.

88
00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:37,400
I gave it to my girlfriend,
and she just didn't want it.

89
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,480
She thinks it's a piece of crap.

90
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,800
Well, at least
he didn't patronise you.

91
00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,240
I'll get us a coffee.

92
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,240
I sense a sadness in you.

93
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:13,600
Someone you care about
is struggling.

94
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,640
I have a third eye.

95
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,640
You've got quite the collection,
haven't you?

96
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,240
But do not despair.

97
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,400
You're about to get lucky.

98
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,800
Thanks for the offer,
but I'm here with my wife.

99
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,240
She and I share something in common.

100
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,840
Oh, is it your skincare regime?

101
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:39,920
Well, it's not
our handsome husbands.

102
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,280
Yeah, all right, love,
I do the one-liners.

103
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:45,880
Like me, she has a strong
psychic energy.

104
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:49,000
And I feel good fortune
coming her way.

105
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:52,240
Is that right?
Is what right?

106
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:55,640
Er, not you. I was talking to
Derren Brown's grandmother here.

107
00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:00,480
You're a new face round here.

108
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,000
Yeah, I'm just here helping my wife
sell some dreamcatchers.

109
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,040
Well, I'm trying to.

110
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:05,640
She's not doing much business,
to be honest with you.

111
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,000
Yeah, well, it's not her fault,
is it?

112
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,960
Isn't it?
Of course not!

113
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,040
It's the heavenly cosmos.

114
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:14,480
Mercury's in retrograde
until the new moon.

115
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,480
You want to tell her that.

116
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:19,000
You want me to say, "Don't worry
that you're feeling narky, love,

117
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,960
"it's just time of the month"?

118
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,600
You haven't met my wife, have you?

119
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:26,920
Don't mock it, mate.
These things have an effect.

120
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:30,000
My wife's having a slow day, too.

121
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:34,680
Oh, is that right?
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

122
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,040
We get a drum circle going?

123
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,760
We ask the elders to bestow us
the gift of good fortune?

124
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,760
All right, you're not thinking
what I'm thinking.

125
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:45,800
We buy something from each other's
stall, but we don't tell them

126
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:46,920
that we've had this chat.

127
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,880
That way, they make a sale,
and neither of us are out of pocket.

128
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:53,120
Tit for quite literally tat.

129
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:57,520
OK. Seems like an opportunity
for harmonious symbiosis.

130
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,040
We're over there.

131
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:04,400
Bacon buttie and a Bovril, please.

132
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,040
Worth a try.

133
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:18,920
Any sales yet?

134
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:23,120
Nope. I don't think
my new designs are very good.

135
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,000
Have faith.

136
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:28,640
I think there is a strong aura
of imminent change in the air.

137
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,320
Hello.

138
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,160
Namaste.

139
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:36,640
Yep. May the force be with you.

140
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:43,800
Lovely. Lovely. Very powerful.

141
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:48,720
Such creative use of
colour and bent wire.

142
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:50,000
Thank you.

143
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,800
Yes. I can definitely see this
hanging from my wife's chakra.

144
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:58,520
Saffron used to make jewellery
for the French royal family.

145
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,640
Oh, well, that's great.

146
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,280
The French have a royal family?

147
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,360
They did in the 1700s.

148
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,440
Previous life.

149
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:11,480
Wow! That's...mental!

150
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,800
One of my more recent designs.

151
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:19,360
Oh, yeah? When did you do
this one - the 1800s?

152
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:24,680
Oh. Erm, it's lovely. Very artsy,
but without being...fartsy.

153
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:29,280
Are you looking for anything
in particular?

154
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,320
Just...something pretty.

155
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:36,560
Pretty? You can go to Claire's
Accessories for pretty, mate.

156
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:40,800
These are all tuned into
a divine frequency, these are.

157
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,640
Yeah. I can feel it.

158
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,040
It's pyrite. It attracts wealth.

159
00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,520
45 quid.

160
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,120
Well, it definitely works.

161
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,120
CARD READER CHIMES

162
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:59,720
Right, well,
I'll be seeing you...around.

163
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,680
Yep. Namaste.

164
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:03,920
Back at you, Cleopatra.

165
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,720
You weren't Cleopatra
in a previous life, were you?

166
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,160
Well, a bit more than I wanted
to spend, but worth it to be

167
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,840
in the arms of a beautiful,
happy woman tonight.

168
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,360
You shall have your wish.

169
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:27,400
Maybe I should try turning it
off and back on again.

170
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:32,120
Now that you possess the stone,
good fortune will be drawn to you.

171
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,440
Right, let me stop you there,
Grotbags.

172
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,640
Any good fortune
that is coming my way

173
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,560
is because I had a clever idea
and made it happen.

174
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,560
It's logic, not magic.

175
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:47,840
Be wary of your words.
What know you of this world?

176
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,440
MIMICS HER: What know you
of grammar?

177
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:56,120
Anyway, if you don't mind, I've got
three dozen recycled feathery

178
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:59,480
coat hangers to try and shift
onto gullible morons.

179
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,360
I wish she'd stop doing that.

180
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,360
I thought you were
getting me a drink.

181
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,680
Well, I got a little bit distracted.

182
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:23,520
It's pyrite!

183
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,160
It's not like you
to buy something like that!

184
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,840
I know. I'd usually buy
a steak and kidney pie, right?

185
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,160
It attracts wealth.

186
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:33,320
I was hoping it would help you
sell some dreamcatchers.

187
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:37,880
Oh, that's sweet. And I'm pleased to
see you being more open-minded.

188
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:41,880
In that case, I'll go back and get
the one that attracts a threesome.

189
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:42,960
Which one's that?

190
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,120
Amber. Not the gemstone,

191
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,400
it's the woman who works
in the car park.

192
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,240
I've heard she's very open-minded.

193
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:53,240
Oh, our luck might be changing.

194
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,840
What, for the threesome? You're more
open-minded than I thought.

195
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,400
Hello.

196
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:02,880
Hello.

197
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,880
Pretty good dreamcatchers, right?

198
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,120
Mm-hm.
All handcrafted by Lucy here.

199
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,400
How much?

200
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,120
Erm, �20 each.

201
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,920
Or two for 45.

202
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,640
What kind of feathers are these?

203
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,960
They're...bird.

204
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,880
What type of bird?

205
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,360
Dead ones.

206
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,200
Got anything else?

207
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,720
Just the dreamcatchers.

208
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,520
No tarot sets?

209
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:41,280
No.
Incense burners? Worry dolls?

210
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,040
Singing bowls?
No, nothing like that.

211
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,320
Massage beads? Chakra mats?

212
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:46,960
Salt lamps? Smudge sticks?

213
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:50,720
You're making these up now.
Scrying mirrors? Hopi ear candles?

214
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,640
Look, it's just the dreamcatchers.
Which one do you want?

215
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,320
Nah, you're all right.
I'll leave it.

216
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,880
Don't do that.
What?

217
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,120
The hard sell. It's embarrassing.

218
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,680
If people think my stuff
is badly made crap,

219
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:10,480
then just leave them alone.

220
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,320
This is not badly made crap.
It's very well-made...craft work.

221
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,160
I'll get us that coffee.

222
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,880
Oi!

223
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,080
Namaste.

224
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,160
Nana's bollocks.
What was all that about?

225
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:35,560
We had a deal!

226
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:38,200
Oh, come on, mate, they're awful.

227
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,640
She's not even used
the right feathers.

228
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,440
I think they might be chicken.

229
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,560
You can't catch dreams
with chicken feathers.

230
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:49,280
You need a Eurasian chaffinch
or a carrion crow.

231
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,000
Or a devious tit.

232
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,360
Right, if you're not sticking to
your end of the bargain,

233
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,480
I want my money back.

234
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,280
Don't know about that, mate.
It's Saffron's business, not mine.

235
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,240
She might not do returns.

236
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,800
It's ironic, innit,
given all her previous lives?

237
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:09,320
Don't you go upsetting Saffron.
She's very sensitive.

238
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,640
You wouldn't think it,
what with her being a Taurus,

239
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,960
but she's on the cusp.

240
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,600
She's not the only one.

241
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:23,240
Hello again.
Back for something else?

242
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:26,280
No, actually,
I'd like to return this item.

243
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,560
Oh. Don't you like it?

244
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:30,840
No. No, it's fine.

245
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,040
It's just that it's supposed
to bring prosperity,

246
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,480
and it doesn't work.

247
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,800
But you've only had it five minutes.

248
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,920
I know, but I did a scratchcard.

249
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:45,760
I could swap it if you like.

250
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,000
It's all right. I'll just
have my money back, please.

251
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,120
GASPS: Oh!

252
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,760
I... I knew my new designs
weren't very good.

253
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,400
I just feel awful.

254
00:13:56,400 --> 00:14:00,080
Well, look, have you got anything
for resilience and self-esteem?

255
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:03,720
Yes! Right, well, pop that round
your neck, you'll be fine.

256
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,720
This man's not upsetting you, is he?

257
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:15,040
He doesn't like my work,
so I'm giving him a refund.

258
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,040
Yeah, we can't take this back.
It's damaged.

259
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,640
There's nothing wrong with it.

260
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:22,520
Spiritually damaged. You flooded it
with negative energy.

261
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,360
All dry now.

262
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:29,320
No, mate, can't resell that.

263
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:34,200
It wouldn't be fair ripping off our
faithful flock with damaged juju.

264
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:38,160
Interesting. You know
I'm a trading standards officer?

265
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:41,520
Are you? Well, I used to be
in a previous life.

266
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:46,520
Ancient Egypt, I used to
prosecute pyramid schemes.

267
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,680
No refunds on damaged goods.

268
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,480
Oh, right, enough is enough.

269
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,640
Do you know the real reason
I'm returning this?

270
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,360
You're returning it? What for?

271
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,200
Who's watching the stall?

272
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,600
I think we've proved
we're shoplifter-proof.

273
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,160
I popped to the loo.

274
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:05,400
If you've got a weak bladder,
jade is good.

275
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,880
I'd take it orally if I was you.
It's the lesser of two evils.

276
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,440
I thought you bought that
to bring me wealth.

277
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:14,640
It doesn't work.

278
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,760
Because you have flooded it with
negative vibrations.

279
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,600
It's a stone,
it doesn't have vibrations.

280
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:24,320
If I wanted genuine vibrating beads,
I'd go to Ann Summers.

281
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:28,360
If you're struggling with
your sex life, have you tried...?

282
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,240
Oh, give it a rest, sweet cheeks,
it's all a load of horse shit!

283
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,520
I hope you're pleased with yourself.

284
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:40,800
Oh. It's not my fault,
it's the heavenly cosmos.

285
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:44,440
There's soon to be a large
celestial body showing in Uranus.

286
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,400
I'm so sorry about my husband.

287
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,080
He doesn't want to refund.

288
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:54,640
In fact, your products are all
so beautiful, we'll take a few more.

289
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,040
Hasn't your Auntie Jean
got a birthday coming up?

290
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,280
I haven't even got an Auntie Jean.
She's patronising you.

291
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,840
I don't mind.

292
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:03,880
Pay the lady!

293
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,560
CARD READER CHIMES

294
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,760
Pleasure rubbing auras with you.

295
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:25,280
What the hell are you playing at,
upsetting the poor woman like that?

296
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:29,520
Sorry, but I guess I was
just annoyed that other people are

297
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,360
selling stuff and you're not.
SHE SIGHS

298
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,920
Well, let's hope these gemstones
bring us a change in fortune, hey?

299
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,600
How? Now I just look like I've won
first prize at the Wanker Olympics.

300
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:43,600
Look, maybe it's time
for a bit of brutal honesty

301
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,800
about the real issue here. Really?

302
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,800
SHE SIGHS

303
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,800
Yes.

304
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:53,200
We've been here over three hours,
and I've not sold a single thing.

305
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:57,960
Can't keep making excuses. I think
it's obvious what the problem is.

306
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:02,480
It's you.

307
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,880
Sorry?

308
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,520
Well, that man was right.

309
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,280
You do have a lot of negative
energy, and people can feel that

310
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,800
when they walk past.

311
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:15,640
It's not my negative energy
that's the problem here, it's...

312
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,560
Go on, say it.

313
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:23,400
It's my dreamcatchers.
You think they're rubbish.

314
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:27,840
No, of course they're not.
I love your dreamcatchers.

315
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,960
Well, nobody else does.

316
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,920
Yeah, well, van Gogh never sold
a single painting when he was alive.

317
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,520
And Beethoven never
sold a single CD.

318
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,720
So, come on, then,
why aren't they selling?

319
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,200
SIGHS: Oh, maybe you're right.

320
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,240
Maybe it's just my negative energy
that's the issue.

321
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:49,000
Exactly. Maybe I'd be better off
on my own.

322
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:52,680
OK.

323
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,040
You do just mean today, right?
Yes!

324
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:09,200
You mocked the power, and now
it has brought you misfortune.

325
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,960
They should put a bell
around your neck.

326
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:17,120
It's not too late to amend the past.

327
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:21,040
To make things right, you must
obtain the lucky salt stones

328
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:22,840
of the Atacama Desert.

329
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:29,960
Oh, of course! Salt.
It all makes sense now.

330
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,160
As long as that misfortune comes
in the form of bland soup

331
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:34,720
or an icy pavement.

332
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,800
Although they are doing
very good business.

333
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,120
How come they're so busy?

334
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,560
When I turn round, you're not
going to be there, are you?

335
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:49,000
And there it is.

336
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:54,960
Ow!

337
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,920
Yeah, all right, Gandalf - if you're
going to wear sandals,

338
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,600
make sure they're steel toecaps.

339
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,160
50 quid for an old bit of rock?

340
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,280
It's not even got the name
of the town running through it.

341
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:09,640
Will you heed my words
and buy the stone?

342
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,080
You're a nifty little mover,
I'll give you that.

343
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,040
Have you got a Segway
under that dress?

344
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:23,040
Hang on. Is this your stall?
That it is.

345
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:27,040
Oh, I see. Fleece the nonbeliever
with your salty old bollocks.

346
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,200
Sorry, Moondust.

347
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:34,000
As well as being lucky, it also has
healing and rejuvenating powers.

348
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,040
Rubbish! There's scientific proof.
What proof?

349
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:39,320
Well, I'm 46.

350
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,680
Yeah, all right, smartarse.

351
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,440
This stall seems very popular.

352
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,760
That's because all the profits
go towards helping elderly goats.

353
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,600
Bit harsh.

354
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,200
No, these elderly goats!

355
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:57,760
We're a very supportive community,

356
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:02,200
so these kind of charity stalls
always do very well.

357
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,400
Oh, is that right?

358
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,560
Are you going to buy one?

359
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:13,040
Of course. In fact, gather weary
travellers and open thine ears.

360
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,160
Perfect.

361
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,800
I thought you and your negative
energy were staying well away

362
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,800
to help me sell more.

363
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:36,120
Not that it helped.
I still haven't sold a sausage.

364
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:39,720
Don't say "sausage" round here,
you'll start a riot.

365
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:43,720
What are you doing? What does it
look like? Packing away.

366
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,320
Oh, hang on. You know that phrase,

367
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,600
"Only a good friend will tell you
that you smell?" No.

368
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:53,000
Well, it doesn't really affect you,
does it?

369
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:57,080
Glad to hear it.
I mean, you haven't got any friends.

370
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,480
Well, that's sort of what
I've been asking you, isn't it?

371
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,200
And you haven't been honest.

372
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:06,480
Well, "smell" isn't really
the right word, but, OK, sometimes

373
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,720
when you've been gardening
and it's a hot day...

374
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:10,920
I meant the dreamcatchers!

375
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:14,840
So, come on. Last chance.

376
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,760
What do you really think of them?

377
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:20,680
Really? Yes!

378
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:27,840
I think they are absolute total
and utter...perfection!

379
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:31,400
And I think others will start
to agree very soon,

380
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,840
especially now
with my newly acquired

381
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,160
lucky salt stone of Atacama.

382
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:40,760
Wow. First, pendants,
now a lucky salt stone.

383
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,840
Well, I've really
opened up my third eye.

384
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,920
You usually need All-Bran for that.

385
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,880
Ah, these are amazing!

386
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:54,520
I'll take two. Great!

387
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,200
A bit salty.

388
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:01,000
Should I box it up,
or are you going to wear it now?

389
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,720
I'll box it up. Thank you.

390
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,360
Thanks a lot.

391
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:08,800
All turned out as I foresaw.

392
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,920
Oh, good, you're back.

393
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,600
I was worried for a moment that
you'd got wet and melted.

394
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,120
Now do you believe?

395
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:20,960
No, of course I don't.

396
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:24,280
It wasn't your big old lump of
rock salt that did all this.

397
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,920
This is all happening
because, once again,

398
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,400
I had a cleverly thought-out plan.

399
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:30,800
What plan?

400
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:33,600
Oh, nothing.

401
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,440
I was just talking to some old woman
who's now mysteriously vanished.

402
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:40,960
No, I haven't.
All I'm asking for is consistency.

403
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,680
What clever plan
are you talking about?

404
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:47,040
Oh, he means you're clever,

405
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:52,640
having made all these things all
by yourself. And brave, so brave.

406
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,080
Lee, why are these people
calling me brave?

407
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,520
Because of everything
you've been through!

408
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,640
Anyway, we are packing up now,

409
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,200
so last chance to get
your dreamcatchers!

410
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,960
They don't just catch dreams,
they also catch weird thoughts and

411
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:08,800
annoying house flies. Everything
has to go, including you two.

412
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,520
I'm not dealing with anything...

413
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:13,920
..am I?

414
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,680
She doesn't like to talk about it.

415
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:17,920
I did say we shouldn't mention it.
Remember?

416
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,880
Of course. I understand.

417
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,400
But have you tried a reiki massage

418
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,760
to, you know, help relieve
the problem?

419
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,840
Or pumpkin tea.
That's meant to be fabulous.

420
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,280
Or good old-fashioned
plastic bedsheets.

421
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:34,600
Lee, have you told all these people
I'm incontinent?

422
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:40,040
They aren't the exact words I used.

423
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,200
He said that's what your sign meant.

424
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,880
You know, with the gushing water.

425
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,560
They're ocean waves!

426
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,760
But it's bright yellow.

427
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,520
It's not yellow, it's golden!

428
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,720
Not sure that helps.

429
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,720
So it's not piss?

430
00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:00,840
Of course it isn't!
Because I'm not bloody incontinent!

431
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,160
You mean you're not raising money
to visit Nicaragua

432
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,240
for pioneering
alternative treatment?

433
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:11,120
I am raising money to buy myself
a Louis Vuitton handbag!

434
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,560
Can't believe you would do this
to me!

435
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,840
I was trying to help!
He said you were not-for-profit!

436
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,400
Well, to be fair,
we weren't until three minutes ago.

437
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,120
I want my money back! I'm afraid
you can't. You've flooded that.

438
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:23,840
"Flooded that"? What do you mean,
"Flooded that"?

439
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,920
I mean, you've flooded it.
Can you all stop saying "flooded"?

440
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,720
You made my wife cry, you know.

441
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,320
Yeah, he thinks we're a bunch
of gullible morons!

442
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,560
And he tried to buy a bacon sandwich
from a vegan food stall!

443
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:35,920
ALL: Oh!

444
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,280
Pig killer! Conman!

445
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,160
Liar! Dickhead!

446
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,760
See what happens when you don't
believe? See what happens?

447
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,520
He thinks we're all morons!

448
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,280
This is your fault, Lee. Get him!

449
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:51,120
Throw him out! See what happens?

450
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:52,200
He shouldn't be here.

451
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,520
He thinks we're all morons!

452
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,360
He's evil! Burn him!

453
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:58,400
Are you listening? Lee? Lee?

454
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,760
Lee? Lee? Lee?

455
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:07,800
SCREAMS: Argh!

456
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,560
Argh!

457
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:12,920
Lee? Lee? Lee? Lee?

458
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,640
MOANS: Argh!

459
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,760
Lee? Lee? Lee!

460
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,920
It's time to wake up.

461
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:22,960
What?

462
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:26,600
You're helping me sell
the dreamcatchers today, remember?

463
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,560
Oh, I've been up all night
worrying about them.

464
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,920
You do think they're good,
don't you?

465
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:33,240
You can be honest.

466
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,400
Remind me how they work again.

467
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,120
They catch bad dreams
before they can get into your head.

468
00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:43,360
They protect you
from having nightmares.

469
00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:44,960
In that case...

470
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,040
..forget it.
They're a piece of old crap.

471
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,400
WISE WOMAN: You're still asleep.

472
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:00,240
HE SCREAMS

473
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:05,080


474
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,960


475
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,360

with my head in a spin

476
00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:12,680

to scream and shout

477
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,840


478
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,600


479
00:26:19,650 --> 00:26:24,200
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